Who Am I To Judge Another?

When I was a young girl,  I would say 13 or 14, my older sister and I would watch the kids in the nursery for what was then, "homemaking," for the Relief Society.  There was a particular mom whose kids were a little unruly, to say the least.  One instance sticks in my mind.  Her daughter had not been very nice to the kids in the nursery that night.  I remember telling her mom when she came in to get her that she hadn't been very nice.  The mom's response went something like this... "Oh.  Come on, let's go home." (I honestly don't remember what she said exactly, but I remember her brushing it off and not saying a word to her daughter.)  As a young girl this really bothered me.  I immediately judged her thinking, "Really woman? You're not even going to get after her?  You're not going to tell her that it was wrong?  You aren't going to even tell her to apologize?"  After that one time I sort of had a distaste for her.

Not too long after that instance, this woman became one of my young woman leaders.  "Great!" I thought.  I found out how wrong I had been about her.  She was sooo much fun!  I loved her! She was so fun to joke with and we always had a great time with her.  Lesson learned.  From a young age I learned the lesson of not judging others.  Especially until you actually know them!

This is not to say I am perfect at not judging, because I am not.  I can recall times I have made a quick judgment about someone and then I quickly am reminded that I myself am not perfect and neither is anything I do. 

To go back to my earlier experience...who is to say this woman didn't handle it when they got in the car?  Or when they got home?  Maybe she didn't want to say something in front of everyone?  Maybe she really didn't think it was important?  Maybe she was tired and really just didn't want to deal with it? No matter the reason why, I am no judge.  Yeah, it may have bothered me, but it didn't mean she was a bad mom or a bad person.

When I am in the store with my kids and Lilli is throwing her awesome little two-year-old-tantrums and everyone is staring, I immediately think, "All those mom's are judging on how I am handling the situation."  Perhaps they are, and perhaps they're not.  But I know all too often we are prone to judge people.  We tend to think if someone doesn't think like us, do things like us, believe like us, eat like us, cook like us, or sit like us, (ok, maybe the last few are a bit extreme, but you get my point), then they are doing something so very wrong. 

I know I want and need to be better at this.  I definitely have moments where I find myself being quick to judge.  There is this quote I found several years ago that really struck me.  At the time I was working at a care center doing hair and also housekeeping.  There was a woman I worked with who kind of got on my nerves.  I don't know why, there was just something about her that did.  And I remember feeling kind of annoyed and negative around her.  And then I read this quote: "Be one who nurtures and builds.  Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, who looks for the best in people.  Leave people better than you found them.  If we could look into each others hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently...."  (Marvin J. Ashton)  It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt guilty.  I wanted to be that kind of person.  A kind of person who has an understanding and loving heart.  Someone who nurtures and builds.  Unless we actually know the person, and know their challenges, we don't know what they are facing in their life.  Why they do the things they do.

I read a really good article something about trying to understand what happened "before the scene."  (Terribly paraphrasing).  The writer talked about how we never know what happened before we see the person and the situation [we may be judging them in].  He gave an example of a woman waiting in a line for a prescription and she had a crying baby.  People in the line were making rude comments out loud about it.  The author said that we have no idea what happened before she was in line at the pharmacy.  They listed some things that could have happened before.  If these people in the line making rude comments had known, perhaps they would have been a little more compassionate.

I know I am going to resolve to be more like my Savior.  To consider "the unique challenges each of us faces."  For, "who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?"